He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
