if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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