If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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