i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
