one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
