Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
