people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
