yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
