Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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