So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
