I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
