what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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