dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
