just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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