My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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