i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
