My friends, they love my intelligence
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
