Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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