And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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