I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
