No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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