Moan for me like Helen Keller
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
