Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
