im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
