Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
