The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
