I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
