reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
