the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
