How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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