Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
