he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
