if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
