No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
