a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
