New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
