we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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