I smell stomach acid.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
