I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
