If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
