Kiss
Puke
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
