The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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