would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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