We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
