I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
