5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
