in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
