Who did Billy Mays play for?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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