found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
