Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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